Growing Expectations
by Van no Futomara
Summary: [AU, HV (eventually)] Hitomi desperately wants to give the gift of life to her childless friends, but would demons from her past kill the strength of friendship? And what if a kink was thrown into the plans, one that nobody could have imagined?


Greetings from the official pen-- we mean, strange friends! Our names are Adrianna, Fabio, and Lydia! We all adore Escaflowne and, with Adrianna's brilliance for thinking of ideas, we thought we'd combine our wonderful skills (eheh) and write a story together. We've lurked around ff.net for awhile, though no one has seen us since we recently got our account. Adrianna is the ring leader of our group, whipping Fabio and Lydia into working, occasionally actually succeeding at the task. ^___~ While Adrianna holds her iron fist over us, she admits that if she wrote her own stuff she'd probably be the worse out of all of us (*both Fabio and Lydia glare at ring leader*)  
  
Well, this is our first story together so hopefully our different styles blend together and you enjoy the story!   
  


** Growing Expectations **

  
  
The room was quiet except for the scratching of pencil lead on paper, along with occasional moan of aggravation. There were students that bubbled in their answers with certainty, while others mentally debated over their possible choices, resorting to scientific methods of deduction such as "Eeny Meeny Miny Moe" Normally Hitomi would revel in a moment where her 6th grade students not being their rambunctious selves, the hunger pains emanating from her midriff kept her otherwise preoccupied. She regretted leaving her apartment this morning without eating breakfast nor grabbing lunch in fear of missing the city bus that took her to work while her car was in the shop. Again, she lamented with a sigh.   
  
Thankfully, the bell rang, just in time to cover the gurgle of protest from Hitomi's stomach. Despite a few who furiously scribbled what they would have considered their last rites, most of her class had finished already, handing in their tests as they filed by her desk. As they started to rush to the door, Hitomi announced, "Okay everybody, you know the drill. Because it's Friday, there's no written homework, but I do want you to finish up to Chapter 7 in the assigned reading. If you're not that far yet, you need to catch up because we're going to have group discussions on Monday. Other than that, have a good weekend."   
  
After the last child left, Hitomi leaned back in her chair, placing her hands over her eyes. Without moving from that position, she went over the contents of her cluttered purse in her mind, specifically her wallet. She only had a few dollars on her, which meant she would have to find a cheap meal. The school's cafeteria food, though she would never admit in front of the hairnet wearing ladies behind the counters, always tasted like burnt fried rubber. And although she had made a meal from the snack machines before, Hitomi didn't think her usual trail mix (the only 'healthy' thing in there) would sustain her. There was that McDonald's a block away, but she really didn't like greasy foods-  
  
"Boo!"   
  
Hitomi literally jumped, steadying herself on her chair as she glared at her friend Yukari and her husband and Hitomi's coworker, Van, who were both shaking in laughter. Hitomi huffed and complained, though she was genuinely glad to see them. "That wasn't nice. I haven't had the best day, and I'm starving. And I know it was you who scared me Van, because your voice is deeper than Yukari's."  
  
Van feigned innocence as Yukari giggled at her husband's antics. Grinning widely, Van then displayed a paper bag with the name of Hitomi's favorite deli on it and asked, "What if we feed the beast? Would we be saved from her wrath?"  
  
"Depends if you remembered what I like," Hitomi joked, her mood brightened at the prospect of food. Van winked at her as he pulled out a sandwich wrapped in butcher's paper. "A vegetable sub, no cheese, no condiments, on wheat bread, like always, Miss Plain Jane. I know, I know it's healthier, but I bet it's not as delicious as my meatball sub. You only live once."  
  
"Yeah, but I bet you'll have heartburn all night, keeping us both up," Yukari snorted, wiping the marinara sauce of her husband's lips as he chewed on his sandwich. Suddenly, her eyes drooped, and she began to sway. Instantly Hitomi and Van were on their feet, but Yukari pushed them away and fanned herself using her hand. "No, I'm okay; I just got a little dizzy, probably because of the heat and not eating. I'm just going to sit down."  
  
Reluctantly averting their gazes from her, Hitomi and Van shared worried looks. As to not upset her friend, Hitomi cautiously questioned, "The chemotherapy isn't too much for you?"  
  
Shaking her head, her eyes getting a little misty, Yukari declared, "No, I'm all right. It's going to be over in a little while, and then the laser can get whatever is left of the tumor. Actually, that's why Van and I came to see you today. We didn't want to wait any longer, just in case I'm not...anyways, we wanted....well, we..."  
  
"We wanted to start a family," Van hoarsely finished, all humor gone from his voice. "But the problem is Yukari is unable to carry a child due to full term, and we didn't want to have a surrogate mother we didn't know..."  
  
The piece of bread in Hitomi's mouth seemed to go stale, but she managed to swallow it with minimal trouble. Purposely avoiding her friends' expectant eyes, she then greedily drank the iced tea that came with her meal, nearly finishing it before she haltingly finished Van's sentence, "...so you want me to do it?"  
  
Yukari slowly nodded, and reached across to grab Hitomi's hand meaningfully. "Yes. I don't have any actual sisters, but you're the closest person I have to the real thing."  
  
"I don't know..," Hitomi trailed off, using all her strength to keep her composure and to subdue the sound of screaming in her head. And the pain. The pain in her lower abdomen. The pain which she never forgot all these years. The pain which haunted her body, mind, and soul. Yukari's voice soon became droning to Hitomi's as she winced, tears welling up in her eyes. No, No, NO!!  
  
"Hitomi? Did you hear me?" Yukari asked, shaking Hitomi's arm to snap her out of her self-torture. Hitomi blinked in surprise, and unsure of what to say, uttered a confused, "Yes?"  
  
Sitting back, Yukari continued with her conversation. "And, of course, we'll pay you and cover all the medical expenses. Isn't that right Van?"  
  
"Yeah. Hitomi, are you okay with doing this? You looked a little wary there," Van stated, frowning slightly. Genuinely surprised he noticed her drastic change in mood, Hitomi weakly smiled, "How could I say no?"  
  
As she gazed at their beaming faces, Hitomi repeated her own question mentally. '_How could I say no?' How could I say yes?_  
  
Biting her lip Hitomi looked up at the expectant couple hesitantly, unsure of what she could possibly say. Folding her hands in her lap Hitomi all her thoughts swirled around her, trying to drown her and take her away from the reality. Sure, she wanted to help her wonderful friends out by giving them the gift of a child, however… well… was she really ready for that kind of change? Could she handle it?  
  
Would it just hurt too much?  
  
Van, sensing the discomfort arising in Hitomi, quickly took his wife Yukari's hand before turning to Hitomi with a growing frown spreading across his face. "You don't need to give us an answer right away…"  
  
"Yeah," Yukari piped up, giving Hitomi a weak smile. "We want you to be comfortable and feel no pressure about this. Take your time…"  
  
Nodding, Hitomi tried to smile however couldn't muster it. Suddenly it felt like all the air was sucked out of the room making it hard to breath. She needed to get out, out in the open, away from this situation and the awkwardness that was rapidly filling the room. Standing abruptly, she looked down at Yukari and Van and gave a short bow, unsure of what she was doing. "Th—thanks for lunch and all and I'll call you when I come to a decision…"  
  
With that she bolted out of the classroom, her thoughts swirling on the past.  
  
She was running away. Trying to escape.  
  
She felt like such a coward.   
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
That night Hitomi sat in the kitchen of her apartment, darkness all around her except for the single kitchen light shining gloomily on the test papers spread out before her. Circling another incorrect answer Hitomi dropped her pen onto the table, sleep wanting to claim her, however the dreams of the past were so vivid, grabbing her as she tried drifting off. Sighing, Hitomi lifted her hand and stared at her nails, examining the way the skin and nail connected, not really paying attention to her meaningless task.   
  
To have a baby, or not?  
  
The question had been plaguing Hitomi all day, lurking in the deep recesses of the apartment, waiting for her to get her mind off the topic only to spring forth attacking, it's claws raised and ready for another attack. By the end of the day Hitomi felt battered, bruised, and emotionally unstable. When she had tried to go to sleep dreams of the past, a life with happier times and hopes for the future shimmering before being extinguished, causing her to wake up in a cold sweat. Now here she was, late at night correcting papers.   
  
Letting out a haggard breath Hitomi wearily pulled herself out of the chair and walked across the cold tile floor, switching on the coffee maker to keep her awake for a few more hours. It's not like she didn't want to help Yukari and Van by giving them this gift. On the contrary, she very much wanted to make them happy in any way she could…  
  
But a baby?  
  
Pouring herself a cup of coffee Hitomi looked at her hand and, to her shock and surprise, found her hand shaking. What was getting into her, Hitomi mentally berated herself. It had been a few years, she had moved on! It had been a rocky road but she had survived the twists and turns, and now wanted to do something for the people who brought joy to her new life.  
  
But, really, could she have a baby?  
  
Slinking back across the kitchen Hitomi comfortably sat in the chair and sipped her coffee, staring ahead out the kitchen window, her thoughts swirling rapidly around. It seemed she wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight.   
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Yawning, Yukari brushed her hair while gazing absently at herself in the mirror. It had taken her so long after her treatment to grow her hair back, not to mention get her old appearance back. In high school she had lost her hair completely, making her chemotherapy harder as she looked at her sick form in the mirror. After a month of seeing herself as a different person Yukari had almost demanded the hospital staff take the mirrors out of her room, fearing the weaker she saw herself then the more she'd loose hope. Now, after so many years, it seemed like she might be loosing her hair again.  
  
"Lost in your thoughts again?" came her husbands amused voice as he walked into the bathroom to find Yukari absently staring at the mirror. Giving Van a small smile Yukari continued brushing her hair, her eyebrows going together in concern.  
  
"Do you think we upset Hitomi today?" questioned Yukari, her brush slowing down as she watched Van in the mirror. Shrugging, Van picked up his toothbrush and dug around in the drawer for the toothpaste.  
  
"Probably not… I just think it was a shock," Van finally said before cleaning his teeth thoroughly. Sure, Van knew something was up with Hitomi by the way she had reacted from their statement. Of course they had prepared themselves for Hitomi's rejection and a whole spectrum of emotions, but the couple had not been expecting that look.  
  
Fear.  
  
Sadness.  
  
Loneliness.   
  
Also, the way she had sprinted out of the room like a, the only phrase Van could think of, bat out of hell had certainly surprised them both. Yukari had wanted to go after Hitomi, explain themselves, but Van had restrained her and reminded his wife that she needed time and understanding on their part…  
  
Also, if they pressured her Van was sure, in seeing his co-worker, she'd probably retreat and avoid them for weeks.   
  
Spitting into the sink Van glanced over at Yukari, her eyebrows still together in concern, before letting out a sigh. Placing a comforting hand on her shoulder Van gave her an encouraging smile, squeezing it gently to try and give his wife some comfort. "Don't worry," he said, his other hand going up to touch her gently on the cheek. "It'll work out some way, in the end. Just have patience."  
  
Smiling, Yukari placed her hand upon Van's before turning back to the mirror to finish brushing her hair. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Van leave, going into their bedroom and the sound of the late night news filled the small room. Biting her lip, Yukari looked at herself in the mirror and repeated Van's words to herself.  
  
Looking down at her brush Yukari then noticed that a large clump of her hair had just come out.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
How would she...she tell them? How would Hitomi be able to tell Yukari and Van her decision? The one she spent all of a restless night wavering back and forth on; the one that would change her life as she knew it forever. Calling on the phone seemed so cold and impersonal, but then again, Hitomi didn't want to risk meeting with them face to face in fear of running away again.  
  
...she felt lower then dirt already for that one time.  
  
Anxiety gnawing at her sides, Hitomi shakily picked up the cradle of the phone and punched in the number, repeating a silent mantra to herself as the phone rang on the other line._ I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry..._  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Hitomi's first instinct was to slam the phone down on the receiver, but stopped only a few centimeters from hanging up. Oh god, what was she doing? She couldn't avoid her friends like this, no matter how much their innocent proposal teared her insides to shreds.   
  
"Hello? Is anyone there? Hel-looo..."  
  
"Um, hi Yukari. It's me...Hitomi," Hitomi croaked, pressing the phone so hard against her face it hurt. She heard her friend's surprised gasp, and the softness now in her voice as Yukari gushed, "Oh, Hitomi, hi! Van and I have been worried about you, since, well, you know. I wanted to talk to you earlier, but we figured it was best if we left you alone to comprehend that bombshell we dropped on you. Are you...are you okay?"  
  
Despite the promise she had made to herself, Hitomi felt one fat teardrop roll down her cheek, followed by another. She felt horrible for concerning her friends so much; nevertheless, Hitomi tried to inject some false humor into the conversation. "Yeah, and I'm sorry I ran out of there. It was just such a shock...and I hope you don't hate me now..."  
  
It was clear that Yukari had thought nothing of the sort when she gently admonished, "No, of course not, Hitomi! We're just hope you don't hate us now. We never meant to make you uncomfortable."  
  
"I know that Yukari. That's why I called; I've decided..."  
  
A few minutes later Van came lumbering into the kitchen, just in time to catch his wife carefully replacing the phone to the charger, leaning on it as for support. Stretching to get the kinks out of his still sleepy body, he yawned, "Who was that?"  
  
"It was Hitomi," Yukari quietly answered, whirling around to reveal a beaming smile under joyful eyes brimming with tears. "She said yes."  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
7.9.03: We won't mention how long this first chapter took for us to write... Adrianna sent it to Lydia awhile back and, unfortunately, Lydia went to school this summer and has a very bad memory. -_-; Whipping our her IRON FIST OF DOOM Adrianna finally got Lydia to do her part, however, Fabio escaped her iron clutches. ~___~ Lydia is jealous.  
  
We decided to end there seeing at the next part will actually be when the procedures happen and those rang of emotions/thoughts. Hopefully you all enjoyed it and realize that perhaps we'll MST this story. :p All of us have a strange sense of humor (if you couldn't tell).   
  
Read, enjoy, and leave some comments for us if you please!!  
  



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